Emily Pitt, LICSW, coordinator of Fenway Community Health's Violence Recovery Program (VRP) spoke to the MGH community on Thursday, October 16, 2003 about violence in the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Transgender (GLBT) community. This was the second of four talks for Domestic Violence Awareness Month. The Violence Recovery program helps GLBT victims of domestic violence, anti-GLBT hate crimes, sexual assault, and other types of violence and harassment through assistance, advocacy, and information.

Ms. Pitt began her talk by stressing the importance of language in our society. She then reviewed the definitions of terms that are applicable to the GLBT community. Understanding each term is essential to working with this population. For example, the term "transgender" is confusing to many people. Ms. Pitt defined it as "an umbrella term used to describe people whose assigned sex does not match with their feelings of their assigned gender."

Many myths surround domestic violence in the GLBT community. People often do not believe that there is a victim and an abuser in a gay/lesbian relationship because there are no typical gender roles. Instead domestic violence is perceived as a simple "cat fight" between women, or a wrestling match between men. This myth is based on the false assumption that two people of the same gender have no power differences. Also, there is an added stigma for gay men in not being able to defend themselves as boys/men are trained to. These ideas grow out of a larger societal attitude and the primitive notion that it is acceptable for men to be violent. Likewise, many assume that battering is strongly related to traditional gender roles in our society, and that absent these roles, domestic violence would be less prevalent. The preliminary research findings are that domestic violence in GLBT relationships is in fact about as common as in heterosexual relationships.

People also commonly believe that the batterer in the relationship is always bigger or more "butch," and the victim is the smaller and more feminine person. These stereotypes about how a batterer or victim should look or act do not help to determine who is the batterer in a same-sex relationship. "A batterer does not need to be 6'1'' and built like a rugby player to use a weapon against you, smash your CDs, cut up your clothing, or tell everyone at work that you really are 'queer'" (VRP handout). In fact, a batterer may even be aware of these stereotypes and use that to her advantage by convincing the police that she couldn't have abused her partner because of her size or personality.

Another myth is that it is easier for lesbian or gay victims of domestic violence to leave the abusive relationship than it is for heterosexual battered women who are married. VRP's handout explains:

Same-sex couples are as intertwined and involved in each other's lives as are heterosexual couples. There is no evidence that the absence of children makes leaving a violent partner easier, and same-sex couples can have children as well. The invisibility and relatively limited supports available to victims of same-sex domestic violence may compound barriers to leaving. Many GLBT people lack support from their families and communities, and may not be able to rely on them for help. Victims may also be threatened by their batterers with 'outing' if they attempt to leave an abusive relationship, or convinced that potential helpers will be homophobic and unhelpful (VRP handout).

A diagram, known as the power and control wheel, is often used to help people understand domestic violence. It illustrates how various factors such as support, negotiation, and respect effect power and control with in an intimate relationship. Ms. Pitt stressed that in gay/lesbian relationships the wheel must be modified. For example, all gendered language is removed so that phrases such as "male privilege" is replaced with "entitlement," and categories related to heterosexism and homo/bi/transgender phobia and HIV related abuse have been added.

It is essential that those who see and work with victims of domestic violence be trained in handling domestic violence within the GLBT community so that they are prepared to respond appropriately. In a gay/lesbian relationship it may be difficult to determine who is the batterer and who is the victim. Without that determination, a person may not receive the proper services. In Massachusetts, domestic violence laws (including those granting and enforcing restraining orders) are gender neutral, affording protection to anyone who has been abused or threatened by someone they have lived with or had a substantial dating relationship with. Unfortunately, because law enforcement officers sometimes fail to determine the nature of the relationship between same-sex couples, these laws are not applied. That is precisely why the Violence Recovery Program's staff are trained in a screening process to holistically assess the relationship/situation and determine who is the batterer and who is the victim. The staff aims to get a sense of the power and control in the relationship. They also examine the intent and effects of the physical violence. Ms. Pitt recommends attending a training in order to fully understand this assessment because it cannot be completely addressed in a short period of time. Making the correct determination is essential.

Contact HAVEN for more information or resources for handling GLBT domestic violence. Copies of VRP's handout from Ms. Pitt's talk are available through the CRC.

-Thanks to Emily Pitt for her assistance in editing this article.